To-do list for the day after a school shooting

-Tell myself I will NOT argue with the moms on Facebook saying “guns aren’t the problem”

-Argue with the other moms on Facebook saying that “guns aren’t the problem”

-Stare wistfully at the tufts of my son’s blonde hair while he draws with markers 

-Answer the question, why is Mommy crying?

-Answer the question, why is Mommy squeezing me so hard?

-Call my senator and follow the script until my voice cracks and I yell

-Dissolve into a puddle on the floor

-Try understand why the world is crumbling and I still have to make lunch for my kids

-Try to understand why I still get to make lunch for my kids

-Scroll past the picture of the victims because looking at their baby faces is unbearable

-Scroll back to the picture because who else will bear witness?

-Put my phone on airplane mode because I can’t stand another notification

-Turn off airplane mode because what if it’s the school?

-Rinse and repeat because this is America